i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
