If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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