Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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