Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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