oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
