I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
