Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
