TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You've changed since you got that strap on
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
