finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
