How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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