we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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