some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
