I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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