Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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