i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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