You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
