You smell like a Billy Joel song
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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