We need to rekindle our bromance
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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