he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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