My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
