Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
