the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my liver is dry heaving
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
