My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
