those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
