if i can run in heels then i can drive
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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