There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
