I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
