if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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