You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
