the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
