I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
