I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
