I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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