No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
