Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
