home. puking in laundry basket.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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