Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
