he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
