who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
