i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
