I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
where are my eyebrows?
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