Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
