Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
