They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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