Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
