Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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