i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
