the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
