The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
