Farmville is her only friend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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