its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
