end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
