If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
