i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
