rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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