Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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